Christmas Solo

While my husband was deployed I was feeling overwhelmed about carrying the responsibility of holiday traditions and creating fun memories for the kids to enjoy. I took some time to reflect on these feelings and was inspired to write this poem called "Christmas Solo."

The presents were wrapped

And the stockings were hung

The stories were read

And the carols were sung

We put up the tree

And we saw all the lights

We watched all the movies

And had some late nights

The cookies were baked

And treats were delivered

I let the kids skate

While I stood there and shivered

I watched their recitals

Recorded their plays

Took them to parties

Ate sugar for days

We served at a home

For the elderly souls

Played BINGO, served cocoa,

And shared candy bowls

Will they even remember?

Will the kids really care?

That someone was missing?

That their dad wasn’t there?

Have I kept the traditions

As best as I could?

Done all the fun things

As I know that he would?

Have I kept them too busy

To remember the reason?

Why Christmas is special

The whole point of the season?

I’ve checked all the lists

And believe me, there’s plenty.

Now the big day is here

Are we finally ready?

Physically, Yes, but

Emotionally, No.

I don’t want to spend

This next day alone.

I have family of course,

And the kids will be there,

And the neighbors have showed us

How much they all care.

But it won’t be the same

And I guess my big fear

Is “Will I ever stop,

If I shed just one tear?”

So I’ll wash my face

And put on a smile

And hope it will last

For the next little while

‘Cause there’s plenty of things

To be happy about

The looks on their faces

As they scream and they shout

Christmas morning will come

And the day will be spent

And we won’t even know

How the time came and went

Most times I’ll be happy,

Sometimes I’ll be sad,

And that’s okay too

‘Cause I miss their dad

But one thing I promised

I’d never forget

Is that I’m not alone

And the end is not yet

For Christ is my Savior

My companion, and friend

He came to bring hope

And His strength He will lend

So when I feel weak

And I can’t do it all

I will fall to my knees

And His name I will call

To carry my burden

To lift up my soul

To help me get through this

And make me feel whole

And when I look back

I will see how I’ve grown

And know that I couldn’t

Have done it alone